The unconscious is responsible many of our actions that we know consciously are not helpful – anger, embarrassment, withdrawal, dependence, insecurity, addictions … and the list goes on.
Do not underestimate its power. Its primary purpose is to protect and preserve you. When it decides on a course of action, unless you have strong resolve, it will often win – by sending the conscious mind unhelpful feelings and emotions that then drive your behaviours.
With this in mind, the conscious mind is actually the mind that you operate from. It is where you ‘know’ what is right and wrong for you. But it will not always win out. Like a rider on a wild horse.
So how does this affect love?
You meet someone you really like. They may be funny, energetic, attractive, creative or interesting.
So, you start to go out with them and you start to enjoy a ‘relationship’ with them.
From there things start to get serious and there are expectations that this may be for the long haul.
But then, suddenly you start to feel some doubt. And you wonder - what is this all about?
You feel confused because your partner is lovely and you feel that you love her.
Yet there is now a growing anxiety. Where does the anxiety come from?
The problem is - you are not ‘in love’. There are aspects about them that are show stoppers – and the subconscious mind is discouraging you what you want consciously want. Undermining (i.e. protecting) you from the act of committing (this is different to being commitment phobic).
You may not even know why you don’t (or can’t) experience that ‘in love’ feeling. But if you don’t – there is nothing you can do about it.
This then leaves you frustrated & even angry with yourself, because you really like the person and feel that they really are what you are looking for. Consequently the anxiety builds. And can explode.
Perhaps the frustrations seem really little or petty, yet you believe if your partner would change those things, all would be perfect. Unfortunately this doesn’t won’t work either. The desire to change them is just a temporary fix – masking the fact that you are not ‘in love’.
It is important to be honest and to face up to what your own subconscious is telling you. If you don’t listen, you will end up hurting both yourself & more importantly – the person that you’re with.
They deserve better than to be with someone who is living a lie. You will end up with an in-balance of power, leading to control, hurt, frustration or arguments - a total break down in communication.
The relationship will just continue to go down hill, till even the friendship is lost – replaced by anger, hurt or sadness. And because you may lack the courage to speak the truth – you will suffer too.
So – be brave. Tell it how it is. You will be doing yourself and your partner a huge favour in the long run, even tho it may hurt them so much at the time.