Everyone is different - in how we think, feel and behave. These differences are often what attract us to a partner in the first place. However over time they can become the very things that cause a relationship to break down.

Small areas of concern - if not heard, discussed openly, validated and consequently dealt with in some way – will grow and grow till the point that they become 'deal breakers'.

If you answer 1, 2 or even 3 to any of the following questions then you need to take action now before they become "showstoppers".

Rate the following 30 questions as follows:

1. Strongly Disagree   2. Disagree   3. Average   4. Agree   5. Strongly Agree or N/A

1.    We spend quality time together as a couple ___

2.    My partner’s work enables us to enjoy a better life together today ___

3.    My work enables us to enjoy a better life together today ___

4.    We have common goals ___

5.    We have shared interests ___

6.    I feel appreciated / emotionally connected  ___

7.     We have fun doing 'stuff' together  ___

8.     We communicate (and chat) well with each other ___

9.     We have a good physical relationship ___

10.    I feel that my partner really wants the relationship to work ___

11.   I feel accepted for who I am ___

12.   I feel that my aspirations are understood and supported ___

13.   I feel included in the decisions that are taken ___

14.    We are able to disagree without an argument ensuing ___

15.    I feel heard and validated when I express a difference of opinion ___

16.   We get away for weekends and/or holidays ___

17.   I trust and feel trusted ___

18.   The responsibilities of the relationship/family are shared equally ___

19.   We spend quality time together as a couple / family ___

20.   My partner supports my parenting (even if they don't agree) ___

21.   My partner helps without being asked ___

22.   Arguments don’t turn nasty ___

23.    I don’t have to always be the one to say ‘I’m sorry’ ___

24.    We understand each others needs and try to meet them ___

25.    I feel really liked by my partner (seperate to being loved)

26.    I feel respected

27.    My partner makes an effort to surprise me occasionally

28.   My partner understands, acknowledges and accepts our differences

29.    I feel very safe in the relationship

30.   The passion (as against boredom) is still present

 
Note – if you are filling in the questionairre to bring to a session, do NOT share your answers with your partner. The counsellor will use your answers to help structure the sessions, and will discuss both questionairres in general terms only.

This is just the start of the journey - and will be used to help build the relationship that you both desire, not to reflect on what is wrong.