When you both understand and focus on each other’s needs, a great relationship can ensure. This involves being interested in your partner, spending time together, helping around the house, doing things as a couple and as a family … just being present.

Unfortunately for many couples this approach won’t work due to selfishness, denial or ignorance by one or possibly both of the partners.

Here is a simple test for you … does one of you spend more “connected” time outside work with friends, mates, work colleagues, team members, etc than you do with the partner and family?

If yes - it is time to revisit your priorities.

Let me give you an example - We have a couple with a couple of children … both partners are working hard - possibly both in the work force, or perhaps one is a “stay-at-home” parent - still working just as hard but in a totally different way that cannot and shouldn’t be compared.

For the sake of this example I am going to use the husband as the one not playing fair. At the same time I do however concede he works hard and is quite possibly under a fair bit of stress.

So, let’s look at his life. What does he do to offset this “stress”? Call in at the pub with workmates or locals for a few beers prior to going home. Occasionally (regularly?) he attends a work event and gets home very late and sometimes/often rather drunk. When he comes home he goes straight into his cave, or onto his computer. Then on the other weekend day he might catch up with a few mates, disappear on his bicycle Then on the weekend he plays golf of soccer or goes for a bike ride for much of one day, again possibly ending in a few drinks.,  ”relax” on the couch watching sport, or even head away for the weekend.

There are many reasons that he might give - he says that it is “my right to be do this as I work hard”, … or “my friends are important”, … “golf is about networking as well as my only exercise”, … “my job is soo stressful I need the time out” … and the list goes on, and on, and on.

Sorry - but this is all totally unacceptable.

When you sign up for marriage, and in particular, bring children into the world, your life takes on new responsibilities. It is not the responsibility of one parent to bring up the children - they need BOTH parents to be involved if you wish them to grow up to be normal, healthy, balanced children. They also need to see parents connecting emotionally and physically, setting positive role models. It is proven that children with one parent disconnected are at serious risk of developing major emotional issues that will negatively affect them for the REST of their lives.

Your partner needs (and deserves) for you to be involved … for their own sanity, health and happiness as well.

That is not to say that you don’t have time out for self  but family and partner time should be highest on the agenda.

If all this sounds unreasonable - perhaps you should be asking if you should be in a marriage and part of a family in the first place!