No relationship is ever that easy - people all so very different ... in how we think, feel and behave. These differences are often what attract us to a partner in the first place. However over time they can become the very things that cause a relationship to break down.
Small areas of concern - if not heard, discussed openly, validated and consequently dealt with in some way – will grow and grow till the point that they become relationship 'deal breakers'.
Try this easy Relationship Questionnaire ...
If you answer 1, 2 or even 3 to any of the following relationship questions then you need to take action now before they become relationship "showstoppers".
Rate the following 30 questions as follows:
1. Strongly Disagree 2. Disagree 3. Average 4. Agree 5. Strongly Agree or N/A
1. We spend quality time together as a couple ___
2. My partner’s work enables us to enjoy a better life and relationship together today ___
3. My work enables us to enjoy a better life and relationship together today ___
4. We have common individual and relationship goals ___
5. We have shared individual interests ___
6. I feel appreciated / emotionally connected ___
7. We have fun doing 'stuff' together ___
8. We communicate (and chat) well with each other about life ___
9. We have a good physical relationship ___
10. I feel that my partner really wants the relationship to work ___
11. I feel accepted for who I am ___
12. I feel that my aspirations are understood and supported ___
13. I feel included in decisions that are taken ___
14. We are able to disagree without an argument ensuing ___
15. I feel heard and validated when I express a difference of opinion ___
16. We get away for weekends and/or holidays ___
17. I trust and feel trusted ___
18. The responsibilities of the relationship / family are shared equally ___
19. We spend quality time together as a couple / family ___
20. My partner supports my parenting (even if they don't agree) ___
21. My partner helps without being asked ___
22. Arguments don’t turn nasty ___
23. I don’t have to always be the one to say ‘I’m sorry’ ___
24. We understand each others needs and try to meet them ___
25. I feel really liked by my partner (separate to being loved)
26. I feel respected
27. My partner makes an effort to surprise me occasionally
28. My partner understands, acknowledges and accepts our differences
29. I feel very safe in the relationship
30. The passion (as against boredom) is still present
Relationship Questionnaire Score ... if you scored less than 75 then it is time - RIGHT NOW - to take action - for you both to start learning about what makes for a good relationship. You can start with the articles in the library about relationships and couples. Before it is too late.
Note – if you are filling in the questionairre to bring to a session, do NOT share your answers with your partner. The counsellor will use your answers to help structure the sessions, and will discuss both questionnaires in general terms only.
This is just the start of the journey - and will be used to help build the relationship that you both desire, not to reflect on what is wrong.